FOR A JOYFUL HOLIDAY SEASON: TAME YOUR INNER BRAT!

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.

By Pauline Wallin, Ph.D Author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior"

Shopping is a pain, malls are crammed, and there are no parking places. Cookies, candies, eggnog and other goodies are making you fat. You have to buy a gift for someone you don't particularly like and grumble all the way. You need to buy another useless gift for your "so-called" friend. Your "inner brat" will tell you to go ahead and eat everything you want - after all, it's the holidays, and you deserve it!

TAMING YOUR INNER BRAT

What is the inner brat? It's the seemingly irresistible, impulsive force inside every one of us, that makes us say and do things we later regret. Bad habits, problem tempers and other self-defeating behaviors and thoughts are products of the inner brat.

A voice inside you screams, "I want it!" or "I can't stand it!" or "Why me?!" Sound familiar? That's your inner brat. The bad news is that you can never completely get rid of your inner brat. It not only makes you miserable, but it also sets a poor example for your children.

The good news, however, is that you can learn to tame your inner brat.

IT STARTS WITH YOU

The holidays present a gold mine of opportunities for your inner brat to make a pest of itself. Because of the hectic nature of the season, there are more situations that make you edgy and irritated - malls are crowded, and parking lots are full. Your inner brat insists that you should be able to park wherever you want, buy whatever you want and never have to wait more than 30 seconds. Shopping is a pain, even on the Internet, where connections are slow at the popular merchandise sites. If you pay too much attention to this voice in the back of your mind, you'll end up frustrated and angry.

Another set of inner brat opportunities is in the endless temptation of food and drink during this month. All around you are cookies, candies, wine, eggnog and other seasonal goodies. Your inner brat tells you to go ahead and eat and drink everything you want. After all, it's the holidays, and you deserve it.

And gifts? You may have to buy a gift for someone whom you don't particularly like. Your inner brat will fight you on this one. Grumbling all the way makes shopping more of a chore than the fun it could be. Or you may receive a gift that you hate. Unless you take it in stride, your inner brat will pout in protest and ruin your holiday.

What if you're invited to one or more parties? If you don't care for parties, your inner brat will think up all sorts of cynical reasons why you shouldn't go. Even if you do enjoy parties, you inner brat may still interfere. For example, in the midst of a busy gathering, you may feel slighted by people who haven't come over to greet you. Or you may be disappointed by people who said they would come to your party and then don't show up. Here, your inner brat could smolder with resentment, causing a major rift in your relationships.

Don't make this holiday a free-for-all for your inner brat. Crowds, parking spaces, out-of-stock items and even annoying people are only temporary inconveniences. And just because alcohol and calorie-laden foods are readily available, doesn't mean that your inner brat must have what it wants when it wants.

CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE

Think of the rush of activities as an adventure rather than an ordeal. If it's raining or snowing when you must go shopping, all the better for your challenge. Attitude really does make a difference.

Make it a point to do one random act of kindness each day. This will disarm your inner brat and put you in a better mood for hours.

When you attend social gatherings, don't dwell on yourself or on what people are thinking of you. Focus on others and find something interesting about them, even if it's only a novel tie that they're wearing. You will be less self-conscious, and your inner brat will fade into the background.

If you're watching your weight in the face of seasonal treats and beverages, remember you can probably have a few of these treats without doing major damage to your diet. In fact, it's better not to deprive yourself. A strictly deprived inner brat is more likely to resort to serious tactics to make you give in.

ACCEPT GIFTS GRACIOUSLY

If it's the wrong size or color or if you really don't like it, tough. Try not to read too much into the motives of the person giving you the gift. The quality of a relationship is not measured by the cost or nature of a Christmas present.

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Beyond Words Publishing, 2001)

Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.